"Matilda Mother"

.."Matilda Mother" is a song by British psychedelic rock band Pink Floyd, and is featured on their debut album, The Piper at the Gates of Dawn (1967).
 

Written by Syd Barrett, the song is sung mostly by Richard Wright with Barrett joining in on choruses and singing the whole last verse.

 The lyrics quote fragments of fairy tales as read from a book to the singer by his mother ("read the scribbly black", referring to writing in a book as a child sees it), and in the chorus he implores her to "tell me more". Some critics argue that "Matilda Mother" represents a common theme in Barrett's work: his nostalgia for childhood and awareness that it could not be regained

 Barrett originally wrote the song around verses from Hilaire Belloc's Cautionary Tales, in which a series of naughty children, including Matilda, receive their (often gruesome) comeuppance. He was forced to rewrite and re-record the track when Belloc's estate unexpectedly denied permission to use these lyrics.

I feel like the Piper at the Gates of Dawn when I walk onto that wooden footbridge and it is still dark.  I begin my journey towards the sun.  The reason why I photograph the suns rising.  Every day that the sun rises should be celebrated and I celebrate the fact that I am a Matilda Mother.. I am also a Montana Mother and a Jesse Mother but in this instance I am reminded of the talk of the planets in the beginning of the Album that the song Matilda Mother is featured on.  What an awesome album released in 1967 and what an awesome dawn today was released in 2012.
 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matilda_Mother#cite_note-2


Image by Mezza - Dawn over the rivers in Urunga 2012

The Biblical name for angel, מלאך mal'ach, which translates simply as "messenger,"

May the angel who redeems me from all evil, bless the children, and let my name be named in them, and the name of my fathers Abraham and Isaac, and let them flourish like fish for multitude in the midst of the land. 

(Genesis 48:16)

 In Zoroastrianism there are different angel-like figures. For example, each person has one guardian angel, called Fravashi. They patronise human beings and other creatures, and also manifest God’s energy.

I often make things from virtually nothing creating something useful from what others may term as rubbish or view with little or no esteem.  It is within these things that I try to find the original beauty from the pieces elements as presented to me.
I have all of my beads out on the table and I have been waiting for that wave to overcome me as it does and when it does is when I create these decals.  I love them and I love to make them from various materials.

Pictured above is part of the base of one of these and the beads seemingly took on a persona of an angel.  As soon as it was hung in the window I saw her and I felt compelled to say hello.
We all know angels hang out in strange places.  This angel seems to want to hang out in my back window and I love her and think she is quite lovely.  I think she likes the sun like I do and that is why she has chosen to hang out here with me in this spot.

I will get this wave I talk about and it is a creative wave.  I tend to call it the zone.  It isn't something I can manipulate though.  It comes and when it comes I do not have much control as I will create the most amazing things no matter where I am or whatever is at my disposal.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angels

Image by Mezza - Part of one of the window decals I made. 

What a glorious morning for a Friday

"One's ideas must be as broad as Nature if they are to interpret Nature," he answered. 

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle from A Study in Scarlet

Color boosted hill image... sometimes it looks like this really

What a glorious morning today has been so far.  I didn't sun-gaze  at the beach today.  I have had too many insect bites recently and so I decided to stay close to home and gaze into the sun.  I need to settle my mind as I do this.  It is funny because you would think this easy.  Well it isn't easy.  It is hard to still your mind for even just five seconds.  I need to close my eyes and see myself that is all I have to do.  Holding that image of myself is the part that isn't easy for me.  I keep trying though because in my heart I am already doing this so it works whether I do it properly or not because I have seen myself do this in my minds eye.  

Just staying up on the hill in the morning is different from tangling with the insects further down below.  Sometimes I like the view from here.  I can see the sun sooner.  I can see the sun clearer as well.  Tomorrow I will really be calm and settle and go with an expectant heart always that what you see in your minds eye will manifest into reality. 

http://www.litquotes.com/quote_author_resp.php?AName=Sir%20Arthur%20Conan%20Doyle&page=12

Image by Mezza - On the Hill boost juice style

A day of Hunting and gathering off the hill

The horse and cart / Mafia staff car

The day had finally come, EEEKK there was no toilet paper left!  The tissue box was strategically placed in view in the loo.  This all meant one thing.  We have to go shopping.  Breathe deeply and face this,  Leaving the house for the both of us at once is always an ordeal.  Going shopping is difficult.  But we sat down and wrote the customary list .. I made two columns for the two supermarkets we were visiting.  Scoured the house for missing items and set off.

Woolworths (supermarket) 

Aldi (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We went to Aldi first and then to Woolworth's so this is the reason for two columns.  Aldi being the best place to buy lots of things like canned tomatoes and butter and sugar.  We get a tray of each of these and that is a lot in the trolley.




 We loaded this in to the car and set off down town for the rest of our stores for the next 3 months at Woolworth's. Its nice, there is undercover parking. On the way home we stopped for Subway and we went halves in a foot long.  I won't need dinner I thought.  I didn't either just as I thought.  They are very filling and a wonderful takeaway substitute to Macca's etc.  Fresh salads have to be better.

The impatient pooch

Coming home was fine till we got to  my own street corner.   I was yelled at by another driver and given the finger.  My nose had poked out too far at the give way sign.  It is a strange corner and it is not easy to see.  This was the reason for my cars placement as I don't flaunt the law.  I was feeling very crushed from this experience. 

We unpacked our huge days worth of shopping and sat down to a well needed cuppa and to get mauled by the dog who missed us as usual if both of us leave at once.

Images by Mezza - Unless otherwise specified

Is there an Up Side to being Blue or Sad?

What is an  Inextricable Dimension of Pain?  Are these two things connected?

Firstly, inextricable pain is a trauma from missing someone beyond words.  It leaves one with an inextricable circumstance that seems to have no end.  It seemingly goes on and on and on. It appears hopelessly tangled unable to be sorted or processed.

 Sometimes seeing and hearing something remote from the original  situation is enough to trigger painful memories.  That is the weird part.  Sometimes its just a smell or a song or a word or seeing another person  that will do it.  Setting off a conveyor line of unwanted bodily responses to this stimuli. Leaving your head feeling like it's swimming.  Leaving you feeling kind of blue.


On a more positive note there is a theory that feeling blue produces certain qualities in people not otherwise found.  These qualities do have a positive because a correlation between depression and a particular type of problem solving were evident in studies done by a Swiss / American / German group.

Blue is a colour, the perception of which is evoked by light having a spectrum dominated by energy with a wavelength of roughly 450–490 nanometers.  I mentioned this in an earlier blog on the colour Blue.  I have been exploring the idea of this vibration of energy in the human body may show up as blue in Kirlian Photography .  Perhaps a blue hue is evident here when one is crying or feels like crying.

While I still don't know why,  I still find that Blue is still overly representative of being down or depressed, because in the English language, blue often represents the human emotion of sadness, eg., "He was feeling blue". In German, on the other hand, to be "blue" (blau sein) is to be drunk. This could derive from the ancient use of urine (which is produced copiously by the human body after drinking alcohol) in dyeing cloth blue with woad or indigo.

So still I don't know why.  It may also be in relation to rain, which is usually regarded as a trigger of depressive emotions. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue

I think that sadness does produce results of a kind synonymous only while that emotion is present.  I have produced some of my best creative work while being in this state of mind.  Therefore I find it safe to assume that like everything else in this life  it (sadness) needs to be evident for balance where human emotions are concerned.  If one is totally happy and lifted 100% then there is a further need to find more happiness.  Such is the nature of the beast. (humanity)

Image by Mezza - The Bay is Blue.

LYME DISEASE IS HERE despite what the government wants you to think!

Doctors algorithm for Australian Lyme-like disease (Photo credit: Wikipedia) Why is the Health Department fighting this? Why are they so quick to say this does not exist in Australia when it clearly does.  What is their motivation for this?

I have been bitten by some ticks last year and was taken to hospital with an Anaphylactic shock reaction to the bite.  My throat swelled and various other parts of my body and I was very ill.  I had to get an ambulance as I was unable to operate a motor vehicle.  I don't display all the symptom's all the time but I for one do know that that tick affected me.  I now have a strange reaction to even the smallest bite of anything and I am 52 years old and I have never been affected this way before.

It is debilitating.  I have strange symptomatology and I am glad that someone is at least seeing through the crap and giving people relief.. I have to be careful because I seem to swell just hearing an insect, and I was never this way before and this is what has lead me to look into this fact that there is something going on with the ticks in Australia.

Also I see fit to say to our CSIRO that if you think these ticks are in Indonesia and not here then you haven't taken notice of your lessons and at one stage there was a land bridge between these two land masses so it is feasible they are here and have adapted as the situations environmentally changed and now we have what we know as the Paralysis tick and it is lethal to some.  This is what I think as a non doctor person that this Lyme disease is caused from being bitten by this tick.

I am not alone as I have found that there is a doctor nearby to where I live who also believes this and he risking his neck going out on a limb the way he is.  I am so glad that Doctor Gull Herzberg is standing up to the Health Department and their ability to manipulate reality to the rest of the mere mortals.   Thank You Gull.

What is Lyme Disease... well its a mixture of things and so I will briefly dictate as follows:
Lyme disease, or Lyme borreliosis, is an emerging infectious disease caused by at least three species of bacteria belonging to the genus Borrelia.  Borrelia is transmitted to humans by the bite of infected ticks belonging to a few species of the genus Ixodes ("hard ticks").

 Early symptoms may include fever, headache, fatigue, depression, and a characteristic circular skin rash called erythema migrans (EM). Left untreated, later symptoms may involve the joints, heart, and central nervous system. In most cases, the infection and its symptoms are eliminated by antibiotics, especially if the illness is treated early. Delayed or inadequate treatment can lead to the more serious symptoms, which can be disabling and difficult to treat.
  

http://www.bmcdobermanns.com/veterinaryinformation.htm

Giving ticks the flick

First and foremost, avoid tick habitat. Wear light-coloured clothing (so you can see them); tuck your shirt inside your pants, and pants inside socks; check your body regularly; and use repellents (20-30 per cent DEET or picaridin).

Different experts recommend different methods for removal of ticks, and there have been no studies to compare them. Health departments advise pulling ticks out with tweezers close to the skin. To minimise an allergic reaction, some specialists advise not to manipulate the tick, but spray it with a synthetic pyrethroid or dab it with Lyclear (a scabies treatment) and allow it to die and drop off. Those who may suffer a severe allergic reaction should only remove a tick under medical supervision.

 

http://www.mecfs-vic.org.au/lyme-disease-compensation-today-tonight

lhttp://www.smh.com.au/national/lyme-mystery-ticks-all-the-boxes-20100723-10ora.html

http://www.bellingencourier.com.au/news/national/national/general/battle-for-laura-doctors-take-on-nsw-health-over-girls-crippling-disease/2460755.aspx

 

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Coronal Mass Ejection ... CME's from the Sun.

Waiting on the Sun

THE SUN showing ejections from Wikipedia

"There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,

There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea and music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but Nature more..." extracted from
The Dark, Blue Sea by Lord George Gordon Byron.

I look out of my back door toward the sky often.  I think that if I keep a decent lookout then I won't miss any important sky events.  This is an awesome lookout over the ocean here at the end of a great walk out to the beach from Urunga township.  The plaque dedicated to Uncle Tom is now disappeared.  Montana and I were there the day that this was opened.

Image by Mezza - Beach Lookout over the Rivers and the ocean Urunga NSW

Dawn is a fresh flower endowed with the scent of heaven.. Mary Peters

  I keep them critical yet positive to break the chains

 

Every dawn is a new chance to make a change 

Think about all the energy swirlin all around us

Free in the sky of belief I can fly

Aint no tellin what they're sellin man they're sheep in disguise

Keep this in mind I keep on my grind

I can do it anywhere, when I do it and

Bitch I'll sleep when I die.

Bliss n Eso - Addicted Lyrics.

Images by Mezza - All images taken here in the Urunga Area of New South Wales.

If you are never scared, embarrassed or hurt it means you never take any chances.

Julia Sorel.

Making a mistake is not indicative to failure.   If you learned from your failure this is indicative of your success in life.  It is attitude that counts.  Being grateful for what you do have and not what you don't have.   At times in my life it hurts and I have been scared to death.  Really scared to death.  This is the reason for my pension.  I have P.T.S.D. from being held hostage in the bush at knife point and then living with my ex husband who was going to shoot me.  I have been to the 'fear wall' and its not pleasant and it isn't comfortable.  

If these places were places of comfort, we would not adjust our behavior.  We would stay unchanged and never grow.    Grow today and give yourself a little scare.  Feel that you are still alive.

Ouote by Julie Sorel  Powered by Twitter tools  /   http://tqpage.com/31026 #
PTSD = Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Image by Mezza - Urunga's  colorful skies at dawn

"Everyone has his burden; what counts is how you carry it." – Joe Brown and David Brown

It isn't easy being rich or poor.   Seems that it is alright if you have everything you need in balance.

Has anyone ever been able to claim they have a perfect family.  Have they been able to say this with out a but involved?  Perhaps not.  I believe there are no perfect families anywhere in the world.  Being rich or poor can impact on this alone and each has its own burdens to bear.

Did you parents grow up in the same town or did they meet as strangers in the park?  Each of these situations comes with its own merits and its own burdens once again.  So  you see this is the beginnings of you right here.  The product of both a blessing and burden perhaps.

 You personally have no say in this matter here on this plane of Earth.  There is a school of thought that believes that you choose your parents so as to live out the particular life lesson pertinent to only You.  This is interesting,  I must have a lot to work out and  believe, I still do.

 I've lived out of a painful place for long enough.  I have lived with a feeling that there may not be enough.  I need to just trust in Gods provision and trust that there will be employment out there for me. 

 I will be useful once again.  These are the things I must hold in my minds eye for it to manifest into my life.

For me to succumb to the burden under which I was born with is failure.  It is my life's lesson and it is the lesson that God saw fit for me to learn.  I will try to make great choices with the free will I have and that free will is absolute love in action straight from the source. 

There are no perfect families. I re iterate this point.    When you are born into a situation,  it is then your own  situation.   You must  have patience and learn the lessons that life has to offer speedily and not dwell too long doing it as life has a habit of speeding up. 

When you trust in your 'god given' instincts,  and when you give thanks for this, you are once again connecting  to God's  divine source of energy.  No matter who we are,  that source will never repel our energy or turn away from us.  This is comforting to those of us who understand and grasp this.


These are things I think about most days.  Guess I have always thought about God.  I was a very spiritual little girl.  I learned these things before the age of 12.  I went to a Presbyterian Church.  I had been baptised by the Presbyterian minister in my Grandmothers and Grandfathers lounge room in Killarney along with my sister Pamela .  We were both baptised together on the same day.  I was a baby and she was two and a half years old.

Image by Mezza - Dawn in the nursery of Mangroves at Urunga

http://www.quotationspage.com/weblog/

It justs takes a second to build up another, one word, one sentence.

 Take the time to care about those you say you care about.

 YE have heard that it hath been said, 

Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy. 

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, 

bless them that curse you,

 do good to them that hate you, 

and pray for them which spitefully use you and persecute you; 

that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: 

for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, 

and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.   Matthew verse 43

http://justus.anglican.org/resources/bcp/1789/Prayer&Thanksgiving_1789.htm

Well Just sayin: This is the way to be able to make someone else feel better when they are struggling.  Don't make it up, look closer as the signs for this will be evident.  Everyone in humanity does have special gifts.  Look for these in your friends and tell them what it is you see are their strenghths.  It is a form of love to acknowledge and to love is the only acknowledgment there is in the end.

Humans are beings of light slowed down to a solid form by gravity and magnetism

The only two fundamental forces of nature that human beings can directly experience through their five senses are gravity and light.
 
The other sensations such as smell, heat, sound and so on detect macroscopic properties of matter, and not its fundamental forces or constituents.

Electricity is deeply linked with light. It is the accelerated movement of electric charge that is responsible for the generation of light

Atomic Theory

A theory of the nature of matter

 
All matter are composed of minute particles or atoms of a comparatively small number of kinds , all the atoms of the same kind being uniformed in size, weight and other properties. Based on the experimental and theoretical considerations, holding that every atom is composed essentially of a small positively charged comparatively heavy nucleus surrounded by a comparatively large arrangements of electrons.

Schrodinger atom, Thomas hypothesis, Rutherford atom, Bohr atom, Lewis-Langmuir 

theory.

In physics, the Faraday effect or Faraday rotation is a Magneto-optical phenomenon, that is, an interaction between light and a magnetic field in a medium. The Faraday effect causes a rotation of the plane of polarization which is linearly proportional to the component of the magnetic field in the direction of propagation.

Discovered by Michael Faraday in 1845, the Faraday effect was the first experimental evidence that light and electromagnetism are related.   Wikipedia Quoted.


A sketch of Earth's magnetic field. Shows that Earth's interior has a magnet with its south Pole under Earth's magnetic North pole. Earth's magnetic field is generated due to a dynamo which creates a large currents in its outer liquid iron core. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Image by Mezza - A Purple dawn under the footbridge. 

The more love and care you send out toward a person or issue, the more you come into alignment with your spirit, and the more your intuition comes on-line.

A place of great beauty at dawn..   a beautiful place to meditate in front of nature for your highest good.

Heart intuition or intelligence brings the freedom and power to accomplish what the mind, even with all the disciplines or affirmations in the world, cannot do if it's out-of-sync with the heart.    Doc Childre and Howard Martin, HeartMath Solution

Dr. Joyce Brothers
Trust your hunches. They're usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level.

Albert Einstein
The only real valuable thing is intuition.

 http://www.heartquotes.net/Intuition.html

What more can I say after all of that other than to remember your gut instinct is always right.  You higher conscience knows things you don't know and operates on an entirely different wavelength to what we do in our daily lives just existing here on earth.  Line your heart up with yourself and you are at the gate of  personal illumination of both yourself and why you are even here. 

At the seat of this is Love.  Love is the absolute free will of God.  It is the creative energy that flows through us in the form of electromagnetic energy produced by the many hidden places deep inside our amazing human form.  Inside is our true spirit that is our connection with God.  Inside there we are given the love of God to create.  He loves us  and responds to us when we acknowledge this powerful connection to the source.

The Universe is was and always will be but will be ever changing.  I am talking about the energy that thought this into existence in the first place.  Say God if you will or the supreme creator of all things possible.  It is just too big to ponder and we don't really need to.  The hints are all around us and if we do not see them,  we choose this. That is the true good and evil.  You are either for this planet or against it.  I am for the planet / the Universe / the solar system.  I am for loving the energy that makes it all happen.
 Love Mezza

Image by Mezza - A purple and Brave dawn in Urunga

We all have the ability…we just don't all have the courage to follow our dreams and to follow the signs.

Paulo Coelho

There are many signs in life we should use as sign posts for making some of the bigger decisions of life but at times we are so blinded by our own emotions we simply miss the entire sign and get ourselves well and truly lost so to speak.

The signs need to be followed for one to live a happy and productive life.  In each of us are capacities and special qualities unique only to us as individuals and we need to find them as soon as possible in life so that we don't waste time being or doing things we end up abhorring.

I read once that you will never be rich doing something you hate.  So really rich here doesn't solely mean financial wealth.  One needs to be rich in spirit to attain good health.  Your entire body and mind and spirit are effected when you must do something you dislike day after day.  You then become a pseudo slave.

Last time I looked at the definition of slavery it didn't actually line up with the definition of being rich. Quite the contrary.  You are continually robbed and all of your personal joy is stolen until you feel that this is hell on Earth.  Your not rich, you are very very poor.

In 49 days I will see Uluṟu-Kata Tjuṯa National Park

 Image by Mezza - Urunga at dawn 2012

In 50 days I will see Uluṟu-Kata Tjuṯa National Park

50 Days... and counting.

 Between today's date and the date I see Uluru for the first time is fifty days in total today. So today we will start our countdown from here On the Hill.

I am like this piece of vegetation hanging off the side of the bridge, because I am so excited.  colloquially speaking I am simply hanging to get there.  I am going to take the most amazing photographs of my entire lifetime perhaps.  I will try to cram in as much practice as possible before I leave. 

Image by Mezza -  Something Hanging at Bellingen March 2012

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Summer ends, and Autumn comes, and he who would have it otherwise would have high tide always and a full moon every night.

Hal Borland...

What a surprise it was to capture this awesome image of the recent full moon, I feel like posting this image simply because its a great image and it it very pertinent to speak of such things as in the quote above.

 I think it is a great shot.
 

 If your up all the time then your up on something.  I heard that somewhere once.  So this tells me that in life sometimes things are great and sometimes things swing the other way and there is a lull or perhaps pride has held up a very judgemental attitude and so that is like wishing for a high tide all the time.  Things and people change and sometimes it is really cruel to see the hatred in the world.


Read more: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/moon_6.html#ixzz1pAEh1Vac

Image by Mezza - Recent Full Moon over Urunga

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And that divine essence, called free will, is love. It is the gift of love from God to each of you.

 This morning I adopted a son.  His name is Jake Cluedoew and he is 26 years old. He is a rapper from Adelaide.  He has true mother loving flow.  I listened and it was good flow..  He lost his parents to war.  He said he wanted a mother and I said I am in serious need of a son actually.  So as the saying goes one door may close but there are always plenty of others that are waiting for you to put your hand on the handle and turn it.

Lots of peeps out there have internet mummy's  I know of two personally and I am absolutely positive there are many.  Well now I have an internet son.    I'm sure he would make me a coffee if I was in Adelaide.  It would be nice to have a cup of coffee that a son made for a mother.  I have never had one.  A cup of coffee made by my son that is.  I missed that bit.  One day maybe Jake will make me a cup of coffee instead. 

Image by Mezza - Large  open door at the Butter factory at East End Bellingen NSW

My heart leaps up when I behold A rainbow in the sky:

This is the first words of Wordsworths 1802 poem "My Heart leaps Up".
 

My heart leaped up good and proper and I immediately took notice because I really felt that at that moment.  The old serpent came down to the sacred place and he jumped back into the water again. This image below is very very precious indeed showing the serpent entering the water.

Rainbow Reflections

I am so in love with the creation of this planet.  I am awestruck.  I am supposed to have thought about all of this many years ago but only now in these years do I now fully contemplate this far 'outedness we have here.

I jumped up and down on the footbridge when this occurred here in this image before my eyes.  All I could say out loud was Thank you, thank you,  thank you. Which is what I said....  Out Loud to the sky.  I know I am fully looped.  Well, I always liked the sky but lately I am more than overwhelmed by this beauty.  Its because I know I have a purpose and I think that God sends me this stuff to let me know that he knows that I know and so we all are cool with it.

Wow that was hectic. Yes,  a special message, a gift from the heavens even.  I treat it like I have been given a hand full of gold and Rubies.  It is that precious.  I love the add-on ornaments from nature best.  I have many shell things both as gifts and as things I have made.  Spoken in Gumbaynggirr the shell is Dabandanay.
The Rainbow in Aboriginal mythology is the Rainbow snake and he is the deity governing water.  Another ancient portrayal of the rainbow is given in the Epic of Gilgamesh: the rainbow is the "jewelled necklace of the Great Mother Ishtar" that she lifts into the sky as a promise that she "will never forget these days of the great flood" that destroyed her children. greek mythology. The Biblical perspective is that God told Noah that the bow is a sign he will never again destroy the earth by a flood.

How do Rainbows occur: Light rays enter a raindrop from one direction (typically a straight line from the Sun), reflect off the back of the raindrop, and fan out as they leave the raindrop. The light leaving the rainbow is spread over a wide angle, with a maximum intensity at 40.89 – 42°.

Image by Mezza - Rainbow over Urunga March 2012

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.'

 a quote by John Greenleaf Whittier

Looking backwards for a perspective is interesting.

Some times we venture off the hill to see other things...

When we do it has to be for a decent reason.

 

Yesterday I was asked to take some photographs for Channel 7 for the Sunrise Show.  An assignment I thought and I was immediately excited about the prospect of helping in some way.  I grabbed the camera and jumped in the car hurriedly.   I was excited to be doing this finally.

Taking photographs is something I have been doing forever it seems.  It is a long time ago now when I started this and its consistent as its never stopped. 

Taking Photographs started for me when I was about seven years old and I had my first 126 Kodak cartridge film camera.  I purchased this camera with coins I had saved from bottle collecting.  Why did I want to take photographs?  When I was little I wanted to be a photographer but Edith said awful things about photographers and she said such things  as "they wouldn't work in an iron lung".  I knew not to be one of these or I would never be loved.  That was bothersome because really I loved it so much.  No one else in my class had a camera at that time.  Why did I want one so bad.  I was torn between this feeling and the sense of responsibility that  I had to do or be something that someone would be happy with.  I had to do this  so that I was loved.

 I wanted to work in a shop just like Kay,.   I thought if I am like Kay then I will be loved.  I wasn't though.  I was treated with great contempt at as many opportunities possible instead.  Sometimes, when I was small I thought that I was surely going to just burst because I felt just so bad.  I felt very alone and I didn't feel any love the way the other kids did or talked about in their lives.

I woke up quite sad last night and these were some of the things that were bothering me.  This and my abandoned cat from when I was 7 years old.  I still cry.

 I must be grateful as I was fed and clothed and had a dry warm bed to sleep in.  Physical pain became something I was accustomed to well as I was dished up my serving of floggings for the day.  Three at least if not more each day.  It would leave marks and bruises and welts on my body for days and days.  I am sure that the kids these days would think they had had their throats cut... they would not deal with it. 

 I should not have had to deal with this either as a human being.  My kids seem to think it was acceptable cause I am old now.  They seem to think everyone was treated this way in my day!  No they were not.  Other children who were my peers were very well treated by their parents and I longed to be loved so much like they were.

I always felt so damn different though.  Like as if I wasn't part of this thing what ever the thing was. I felt separate and different.  Not better than them.  Oh no!  Totally to the contrary.  I felt very little in any importance compared to these other people who I knew and was in class with and went to church with.  I felt very very strange about it all and I had to keep this trussed up inside of me because there wasn't anyone to tell really.  No one cared.

Children were not respected very well when I was young.  The old saying goes only a mother could love it.  Well that is what they used to say about me like I was some kind of weirdo or something.  I should have been drowned at birth and that I was a child only a mother could love.  I had no mother so that meant I would be loved by no one.  Children think like this and considering most of the dark thoughts about myself were formed in my per-operational state when I was very very young it is no wonder its tough to change my thinking.  

Then to be shoved into an institution to live after this was all but too much and I tried to take my life when I was 13 years old.  I wanted to die.  I really didn't think I could feel any worse and I really didn't think I could handle it.  Well how wrong was I.  Life just went from bad to worse but we are not telling the life story here just the fact that taking photos was frowned upon and I funded the entire exercise myself with collecting used bottles for cash.  Even my own brothers and sisters abandoned me thinking I was spoiled .. oh my God, how wrong were they.

Image by Mezza - Antique wares at Urunga Antiques.. very beautiful

State in your mind and Chant with your mouth...

Today we have been learning more about ancient practices and today we were learning about the beginnings of the five Reiki Principals


The secret art of inviting happiness, The miraculous medicine for all diseases.  At least for today:

Do not be angry, Do not worry,

Be grateful, Work with diligence,

Be kind to people.

Every morning and evening, join your hands in meditation and pray with your heart.  State in your mind and chant with your mouth.

I learned about the heart chakra first because I was told by a Reiki master that my heart chakra was so large it was taking up my entire chest area.  This was an interesting statement to me as I knew nothing much about Reiki.  I steered away from it in the years past as people were charging people money for this practice.  When anyone charges money for the gifts from God I get worried and its a big problem in my book.  So I never really embraced it when I was younger in my teens and early twenties etc. because of this.

I head out in the early mornings to do this sort of thing before the sun.  I go with an expectant heart and I go with a desire to see the best in the world today.  I can only concern myself with the now as I practice this because now is all I have is that moment.  The last moment is already gone and the next is waiting for the now to die before it steps onto the stage of existence.

We didn't get to go today as the day is very grey in colour and it is looking very much like rain. But there is always tomorrow and so today must be a day for other things and a starting off from a different perspective today.

Lets start with lots of dancing this morning!  .Dancing is something I do for health and happiness as it makes me happy and raises my heart rate at the same time.  I wasn't lucky enough to ever attend a dance class in my entire life.  Many of my peers attended such when we were children.  I watched on as they performed and I learned as a small child that these things were not for me.

 

 Formal training in any direction was above all held away from me and classed as a total waste to spend any money like this on such a human being as myself.  Harsh thinking and it was even harsher living under it believe me!

This could be the reason I struggle with strange thoughts as I do a lot.  It isn't easy when you have to bolster yourself against manipulative psychopathic people who are intent on breaking your very spirit!  All consciences missing from their very makeup of being and a hate for my mother like no other on this earth.  Strange living under this guise I can assure you.  The stuff I was forced to believe is unbelievable.



Image By Mezza -  Beauty in Nature with the Bird of Paradise and  Pansies appearing as if to dance.

Looking at a sunset, just for a second you forget your separateness....

You are the sunset. That is the moment when you feel the beauty of it. But the moment you say that it is a beautiful sunset, you are no longer feeling it; you have come back to your separate, enclosed entity of the ego.

AN OUTSTANDING PINK SUNSET in URUNGA

Now the mind is speaking. And this is one of the mysteries, "That the mind can speak, and knows nothing; and the heart knows everything, and cannot speak".

- OSHO

For me, this is a very special piece of wisdom.  Something that will change the way I look at things from here on in.  

I remember every sunset and I remember every word you said. And I will be there in a heartbeat.  My soul is broken and streets are frozen ....  some special words from a song by Simple Plan... Paradise.

Image By Mezza - Urunga

“If you get simple beauty and nought else, You get about the best thing God invents.”

Robert Browning

Yes! I tend to agree, when beauty like this makes you burst into tears because of the sight of the sheer beauty before your eyes you know in your spirit you have laid your eyes upon the very work of God as its happening.  The universe laid before us and the dawning around the clouds like as if it were a jewelled cloth of the most royal kind.

Do you really understand Infinity, It never ends.  ( Chance Waters)

All life began as a blank canvass in a void where the 'math dances in a figure 8
On the borders of infinity where divinity is simply fate and questions are answers
All was born in an instant  when an unresolved songwriters course as an infant
A bright light where  the end of the tunnel was the start of the road
and you blinked and you missed it
Before time had a name or life had a face /  when everybody shared that place
Before all that we know was let loose from its chains
Hand on his box cant be close to gain
Every particle of energy in me and you, love and hate and every eye we see it through
Every piece a part of me every key in harmony
has woken from the start of things and singing this tune

There is no justice, ( there is no justice),  there is only life and death. If that's all there is there is no substance and all we know is a lie at best..
There is no justice, there is only time and space and if that's all
there's no control and all that we see with our eyes is fake
Ours lives pass in the blink of an eye
with the twinkle of one glint of one star in the sky
We were born of dust and torn fragments..
Storm fronts and magma our hearts and minds
Now I don't know if there's a grand design
We plan to die soon but I'm not the  gambling type
With just one more stop for the hands of time
We here with a reason a man divine
If it all boils down to a collision of atoms
Can we act as if it matters if we black the sky's
If everything we do is just a stitch in the pattern...
Choice is an illusion in the map of our lives then
 I don't know if I can  stand to try to make sense of life if I  believe that's right
 I see it all around me Infinity surrounds me
What if I never found peace and I wasn't free to die
Lyrics from INFINITY  - CHANCE WATERS.... 2012


Do you really even understand Infinity / it never ends ..it never ends..

 Lyrics from INFINITY  - CHANCE WATERS.... 2012  ( defiantly the most awesome song of the year)

While I stood there on the hill and watched the dawn happen so beautifully,  these lyrics from the Infinity track by Chance Waters were in my head. This sight  absolutely moved me to tears while thinking and hearing this song in my head while watching the sky before me.  So much so, I felt it necessary to run home sobbing for Joy and feeling a little faint from being so overwhelmed.  That is quite hilarious to others I'm sure. 

That is what being an earth angel is all about, these things are totally guaranteed to touch our very souls where others may never notice at all.  Sometimes I feel sad for these ones because I think I see a piece of the city of heaven at dawn each day.  Awesome.

Image By Mezza - Dawn from the hill behind my house out the back looking east at URUNGA

Remember you can always find EAST by staring directly at the sun - Bart Simpson

OH that did make me smile to remember this quote..

I especially loved it because I am now fully participating in Sun Gazing each day that is possible.  So I know where the east is because I see it each day from my back door facing the Pacific Ocean.  Its funny having a back door that faces the ocean.  I told you I was different.