a sad indictment of our societies as a collective.

"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts."
Albert Einstein

I continually find the inequality in the world a sad indictment of our societies as a collective.  The societies that consider themselves to be first world countries.  It is so obvious that the greed to hang on to the large amounts of wealth is what is making me feel sick.   I struggle to keep what I have because in this world of people who are like me, I am considered inhumane and not worth it. 

These opinions of others that are unwarranted because I still don't know what I did wrong is reinforcing Edith's brainwashing.  She continually belted me daily while yelling at me, "I should have been drowned at birth".  I had awful nightmares  that I would be drowned and I would not be able to survive it.

Why is the world such a cruel place?   I just want to forget about these things.   Yet as it turns out, the more acceptable,  those who are the so called "movers and shakers", are the ones causing most of the damage.  These people make me out to be less than a human.   This damage is killing me more each time. 
ORLANDO, FL - JULY 12: Caylee Anthony memorial where the 2-year-old child remains were found on July 12, 2011 in Orlando, Florida. Casey Anthony was found not guilty of first-degree murder, aggravated manslaughter and aggravated child abuse. (Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)Slowly it is numbing me to the incidence that I have lost everything.  My children were all I ever wanted and I did not ever want this what I have.   I never dreamed for one moment that my life would be like this because I am so disabled emotionally.  I didnt even do this to myself and those that do it to them selves for fun are given the chances and the help and the extra goes.  This is what is playing on my mind.   It is because my mind is doing not much and left to continually think about the situation that I am in.  I really try to be brave and I do have friends but no one can do anything either.
I am so sick of being the burden, that people feel the need to bow their heads and walk past me quickly in hope that they do not have to speak to me at all!

Why is someone who needs so much help continually tortured and hurt so desperately in front of you all.   How does this happen.  Why do you all care when people have died.  They died because they felt like no one is listening and no one is listening and no one is helping and I can't do this much longer.  Today I am struggling with the inner pain again.  My psychologist says that I need to hate my mother and father for doing what they did.  I just don't know how to hate them,  I have no relationship with them to relate to.  That box is very empty and there is nothing in it.  Nothing to draw a feeling from.  The feeling is empty.

Image by Mezza -Firestation in Urunga on a job.